Issue 21: Reprisal

“I don't stop eating when I'm full.  The meal isn't over when I'm full.  It's over when I hate myself.”
-Louis C. K.

 

 
        "Alright, on the count of three say 'third degree felony!'" Spider-Woman instructed, squishing her wide and plush body in close to a webbed up purse snatcher while hanging upside down.  In her extended hand was her cell phone with the camera function on.  The mugger thrashed around in vain, firmly webbed in place above the alley entrance.  "One, two, three!" she counted before snapping the picture.  "Nice.  That's going on my Tumblr.  Later, jerk!"

        Gwen fired a web and swung out into the street, tossing the purse to its original owner with a wave.  She couldn't hear any response, be it gratitude or accusations of being a menace; she didn't care either way.  She was just in a good mood today, as everything seemed to be going her way.  Good job, good (thought perverted) boyfriend, and the city was finally starting to ease up on her.  To cap it all off she's made quite a few friends through both of her jobs and no longer felt as isolated.

        Landing on a nearby roof and retrieving her hidden bag, she fished out a few bucks and slung it tight over her shoulders.  The shoulder straps were snug around her plump arms and shoulders as she got a running start, her whole body bouncing rhythmically with each step.  Springing a healthy three stories upward, she sent herself into an agile but wobbly dance high above the New York streets as she contemplated what to have for lunch.

        "Pizza or lo mein?  Pizza or lo mein?  C'mon, New York!  Give me a sign!" Gwen chanted to herself, wanting to satiate her frequently hungry stomach.  Her appetite continued to grow the longer she had been in this earth, with Peter and his Aunt May's near constant encouragement.  Still, between the workout that fighting crime brought and the constant eating she had finally plateaued at 465 pounds.  Admittedly, it was getting harder to move her thunderous thighs around in a nimble fashion, but she was content and still able to kick significant butt.  Pete would say there's no more significant a tuchas than her twin globes, though.

        Anchoring herself on a flag pole, she lowered herself upside down to street level before coming eye to eye with her favorite pizza vendor.  "Heya, Pepe!"  Spider-Woman was genuinely happy to see the pizza vendor, as she had gotten to know him over the past couple months.  He made a mean slice of pie, was very friendly, and threw plenty of compliments her way.  She figured he was old world in mentality and saw nothing wrong with a woman with an overabundance of meat on her bones.  She contemplated setting Pepe up on a date with Aunt May on occasion; they certainly had something in common there.

        "Spider-Woman, my favorite customer!  Come, let me get you a slice!" the cheering vendor greeted her with a smile.

        "That's why I'm here.  Two slices of sausage would be divine," Gwen said, holding up two finger.  "And a lemonade."

        "For you, my dear, I give you an extra slice on the house.  You stop by here so often I'll be able to afford my own pizzeria soon!"  He stacked three slices onto a tray and fished her a lemonade from the ice bin.

        "Oh, c'mon Pepe.  I look like I really need three slices?  You're worse than my boyfriend," she playfully chastised, taking the three slices regardless.

        "He has good taste in women!  I bet there's a cherubic beauty under that mask," he smiled, giving her a playful pat on the cheek.

        "Flattery will get you nowhere, Pepe.  Ciao!" She took her food and swung to the nearest building ledge, the pizza vendor waving goodbye.  Parking her inflated rear on the ledge, she lifted her mask past her mouth and reached for her first slice when the smell of smoke hit her nose.  "Oh, for fuck's sake," Gwen cursed, turning and spotting the smoke a few blocks down.  As if by cosmic plan, she heard the firetrucks en route.

        "Ugh, with great power comes great responsibility and no quality pie for lunch."  Placing the slices down and praying a pigeon didn't come by, she webbed her bag underneath the ledge and began to make her way to the building fire.  "Figures.  Here comes your friendly neighborhood cream puff."

        As she approached the fire, her spider-sense predictably started to go off.  The inferno was reaching high and black smoke was billowing out, indicating there was some type of fuel or chemical in play.  Pulling her mask down, she quickly plunged feet first in a window, sensing activity within.  The whole building smelled of smoke.  She caught a wiff of both some type of chemical and some ozone.  It must be an electrical fire or some kind.  Perhaps it sparked an ignition source; oil or some other chemicals she couldn't place.  Maybe a meth lab in one of the apartments and the cooks were sloppy.  "Is anyone in here?!"

        "Help!" a voice called out from a nearby room.  Quickly twisting through the burning wood, she found a man with a collapsed pillar against his leg.  It was blatantly broken and he was weak from smoke inhalation.  Propelling herself over, she ripped the wood from him and tossed it aside.  Spider-Woman reached down, picking him up gently and tucking him into her plush frame to insulate him from the flames.

        "Hang tight, I'm going to get you out of here!"  Gwen quickly doubled back the way she came.  Her spider-sense was utterly screaming to the point her head was almost visibly rattling.  She could feel the smoke burning her windpipe and the fire licking at her skin through her unstable molecule uniform.  It protected her from the flames, but they were still hot enough to make her skin and blubber tingle with heat.  Getting the man to the window, she quickly lowered him down to EMTs on street level with a webline.  She knew there were more people in the building, and she'd be damned if she was going to leave anyone in here.

        She quickly squeezed her way through the burning wreckage, collecting person after person and sending them down to ground level gently.  With the way her spider-sense was buzzing, she swore the building would collapse any second.  This just hastened her rescues.  The smoke burned her insides and was beginning to make her feel light headed.  Sending a young woman down, she took a moment to get a lung full of air before heading back, using her mask to help filter some of the thick smoke.  She crawled along the loose ceiling, it managing hold her weight miraculously.  Squeezing through a narrow opening, she found what she thought to be the last person.

        "Ma'am?!  Ma'am, can you here me?!" Spider-Woman called out.  The woman was unconscious, and Gwen was so dizzy she felt like she was floating.  Hurrying over quickly, she checked the woman's boney neck for a pulse and found a flutter.  The heat stung her eyes as she picked the emaciated woman up and hurried back the way she came to the nearest window.

        She was about to jump down with the last victim when she heard it.  Somewhere in back was a baby crying.  Letting out a visible and exhaustive groan, she quickly lowered the frail woman down on a webline and bounced back into action.  Twisting through the tight wreckage like it was nothing, she finally found the source of the the fearful wailing.  It was a baby girl's room with the swaddled baby crying in the crib near the window.

        "Hang on, sweetheart!"  She shouted, punctuating it with a hacking cough as she hurried over.  Her spider-sense was so intense the back of her eyes hurt, which the front burned from the foul smelling smoke that just clinged to her like a greasy layer.  She felt ready to pass out, but willed herself over to the crib.  She couldn't fade to black until she got the baby out.

        Pulling the blanket back, she was greeted by a doll with a pumpkin for a head.  Gwen's eyes went wide as she realized that her spider-sense was warning her of this rather than the fire.

        "Mama," the doll said.  The pumpkin detonated with a vicious screaming blast, sending Gwen through the window and across the street, all the windows on that floor blowing out and sending glass to the street below.  Slamming into the opposite building with a harsh crack, Spider-Woman felt the smoke fly from her lungs as she began to black out.  Peeling off the wall, she began to plummet down to the street as the black tunnel closed in on her vision.  She felt weak, light, and disoriented.

        A sudden jerk in mid air jolted through her frame harshly as she heard a roar and began moving down the street.

        "Tsk tsk.  A little smoke inhalation and your fold like a paper doll.  Such a lower quality spider.  What's say we go find a better specimen?"  Gwen's vision was too blurry as she tried to look at her savior and attacker.  All she heard was a sickeningly familiar maniacal cackle as she slipped into unconsciousness.