Issue 12: Prowling for Opportunity

“The most romantic thing you can ever do is buy me food.”
-Unknown

                Gwen slid a pantsuit skirt up and over her two massive mounds as she got ready for a job interview.  She was thrilled someone called her back, more so that it wasn’t a coffee house.  Inhaling a bit, she zipped the skirt up and buttoned it closed.  She was happy that it was far closer to fitting than it was a week ago, having worked her way down to 450 despite Aunt May’s constant sabotage.  Looking over her shoulder at the mirror, she let out a grumble.

                “Rrrrgh.  I look like I’m smuggling two beach balls.  Still, nice to be able to move again.”  Gwen decided the glass was half full and completed her task of wrapping her plump body in respectable clothes.  Heading out to the kitchen and grabbing some coffee, she looked at the pile of boxes that still needed to be unpacked.  Peter had managed to find a modest little apartment in midtown with a skylight and not too many neighbors, which made coming and going during evening activities easy.  While the previous place she hung her webs had a skylight, it had a lot of nosy neighbors which made hiding her gigantic tuchas more difficult.

                Gwen poured cream and started dumping sugar into her coffee, looking over at the couch where a battered Peter lay on the couch.  She sensed him crawl in and pass out around 2 AM, likely trying to avoid waking her.  From the news, it sounded like he threw down with some dork named Octavius.  She sipped and sat on the arm of the couch, watching him.  She knew he’d be alright, and despite whatever pain he was in he was just a complete gentleman.  Gwen couldn’t help but beam a bit at her considerate boyfriend.

                Finishing her coffee, she took a deep breath, her bust straining the buttons of her blouse before she exhaled.  If she can throw down with five villains at the same time, then a job interview should be a cake walk.

                “I can handle cake.  Cake’s easy,” she reassured herself before grabbing her bag with her uniform stuffed inside and heading out.

                “Ms. Delaney?” the AccuTech receptionist asked.  It took Gwen a moment to look up from her phone, still not used to being called that.  “They’re ready for you.”

                “O-oh.   Sorry, zoned out.”  Gwen hefted herself up and walked into the meeting room.  She had been a little weirded out.  For a first interview, they seemed to be actively delaying her and making a big deal about all of this.  She had been here waiting for an hour in the lobby.  Thankfully it had some couches to accommodate her generous proportions, as well as guest wifi.  Her cell bills were high enough as it is.

    Inside the meeting room were two individuals, one in a lab coat and one in a business suit.  The man in the business suit just exuded raw confidence, not even looking at Gwen as she walked in.  Instead, his face was locked firmly on some sort of really advanced tablet, a smirk curled to the edges of his facial hair. 

    “Uh, hello.  I’m Joyce Del-“

                “Delaney, I know,” said the man in the business suit before gesturing at the chair across from them.  Gwen stopped a moment before sitting down in front of the two.  Her hips were snug between the arm rests, but she managed.  “Your job recommendation comes from Reed Richards, so I took it upon myself to do a little research.”

                “Well, I don’t have much experience, but I-“

                “But you’re looking for an entry level lab position.  Your recommendation and background here make you quite the candidate.  Doctor Zimmer?”

                “If she’s good enough for Reed Richards, she’s good enough for me,” the grey haired scientist exclaimed.  Gwen got the feeling that he didn’t have much choice in the matter.

                “Well, you just had the easiest job interview ever.  Congrats, Ms. Delaney, you’re Doctor Zimmer’s new lab assistant,” the other man said.  He stood and walked over.  Gwen herself stood, her chair’s armrests causing it to stick to her backside for just a moment.  She prayed he didn’t notice, but the cock of his eyebrow told her that he did.

                “R-really?  Wow, thank you…  Uhm….” Gwen was a little shocked.  This was happening really fast.  She shook his hand eagerly.  “I’m afraid this happened so fast that I didn’t catch your name.

                “Tony.  I’d thank Reed, though.”

                “T-Tony?  As in Tony Stark?”  Gwen’s eyes would bug out of her head if they were capable.

                “Yeah, that would be the one.  AccuTech is a subsidiary of Stark Industries, and when I heard Reed’s name was attached to a young woman’s resume I had to come in and see her.  Certainly a lot to take in.  You know, we have nice gym facilities you should think of checking out,” Stark suggested to Gwen’s chagrin.

                “Thanks,” she stated simply, not wanting to push her luck.

                “WOOOHOOO!” Gwen cried out above the city streets, hovering in air for a moment before gravity grabbed her and started pulling.  Firing a web line, she felt her impromptu web backpack smack into the rolls on her back as she swung forward.  “Finally got a job!  And a good one!  Happy flippin’ day!”  Gwen was ecstatic, despite how unorthodox it was.  Four second interview and she got the job, plus Tony freaking Stark just was there for an entry level lab assistant position?  Weird, but screw it!

                Gwen perched herself on a ledge and kicked her feet happily.  She couldn’t help but think of all the things she could afford now.  She could pay her half of the bills, for new clothes, a drum set.  The thought of new drums practically made her squeal out loud.  Reaching for her phone, she dialed Peter.  It rang for a bit then went to voice mail, reminding her that Peter was probably out cold.

                “Lazy jerk,” she said joking, hanging up and slipping her headphones in.  Placing her phone into her bag, she decided to do a few laps around the city for some exercise.  Perhaps she’d scout some music stores out while she was at it.

                Gwen hung upside down underneath a water tower on a roof late in the evening, eating a couple street vendor corn dogs.  She had dropped off her interview clothes at the apartment earlier and decided to spend the evening doing the super hero thing.  Peter wasn’t there, likely out selling pictures to the skin flint, Jameson.  That guy really aggravated Gwen, and she was thankful he was just a news mogul rather than mayor of New York in this dimension.

                She finished her second corn dog and grumbled a bit, still hungry.  Still, she knew to just deal with it if she wanted to slim down to 400 pounds again.  Slinging her way north eat down Museum Mile, she kept her eyes on the park.  On top of being gorgeous this time in the summer, the park tended to be a good location for quick muggings.

                Twisting in the air near east 80^th street, her spider sense went off like a flare.  She shot a line a nearby wall and parked on a wall, looking around.  No sign of muggers or any overt crime.  Taking a moment to get her bearings, she zeroed in on the location.  The Met.  Something was happening in the museum.

                She began doing a few laps around the building, looking for any signs of forced entry.  It was a big building and took a few laps before she spotted it.  On the roof, one of the skylight windows had a circle cut in it while some tech was laying around.  Inspecting it, it seemed to be suppressing any alarms generated by the window being carved.  Judging by the size of the hole, it wasn’t Black Cat, either.  Gwen grumbled, knowing she couldn’t squeeze through the hole herself.  She stuck her fingers to the glass, and with a bit of exertion popped the whole window out.  The device held strong and Gwen squeezed her way through, letting her spider sense guide her to the culprit.

                Crawling along the ceiling, she found a clue.  Hole marks, like claws embedding into the stone.  She hoped she wasn’t dealing with someone with powers; she didn’t feel like getting claw marks in her ample posterior.  The tracks lead to the music hall.

                “Oh, you better not be screwing with musical heritage.  That’s just personal,” she muttered, sliding across the ceiling.  In the next room, she spotted a guard laying on the ground.  Gwen’s heart skipped a beat and she quickly swung down.  She moved in to check his pulse and then got a whiff of something that burned her nostrils, even under the mask.  Guard had been knocked out with anesthetic gas of some kind.  Gwen picked him up and took him over to a nearby bench.  Checking his pulse to make sure he was alive, she looked inside the music hall and found the culprit.

                Whoever it was, they stood tall as they worked on a display case containing a violin.  Gwen knew enough about musical history to recognize it as a Stradivarius violin.  Those were worth millions of dollars easily to the right buyer.  The guy wore a snug catsuit and wore a purple mask with black patters over the eyes and mouth.  His hands had gauntleted chambers around the wrists as well as claws.  Gwen began climbing up the wall to watch as the guy tried to crack open the case.  She didn’t want to rush into a fight with someone this skilled without scouting ahead of time.

                The burglar worked his magic until he managed to crack the Stradivarius case open.  A deep voice emanated from his mask.

                “Come to papa,” the thief said, reaching gently in to grab his prize.

                “Momma wants to argue custody!” Gwen shouted, bouncing off the wall and closing in for a punch.  The larcenist ducked underneath the punch at the last millisecond, getting in a ready position.  Gwen twisted in air and landed with a wide footing, ready to propel her corpulent frame back at her opponent.

                “Spider-Woman, huh?  Gotta say, I’m a fan,” he said, clicking the chambers on his wrist.  “Because of you, my primary competition has let herself go.  Makes my job a lot easier…”  With that, he extended his wrist and fired a few gas pellets in the hooded heroine’s direction.

                “Ugh, don’t get me started on Fat Cat,” Gwen complained, flinging herself in the air.  “She moves out of your turf and into mine.”  Gwen fired two impact webs, trying to web the thief’s hands.  He instead dodged deftly out of the way and fire taser rounds in the air.  “Refreshing to actually have the bad guy be a fan for once.  What do I call you, fanboy?”

                “The Prowler works,” he said, tossing a cylinder in the air.  Gwen’s spider-sense went off and she quickly shielded her eyes as the hall filled with a blinding light.  Gwen thwipped her way to the wall and let the spots in her eyes clear for a moment, her spider-sense telling her Prowler had turned his attention to the violin.

                “Hey, that’s outside your price range!  You can get one for cheaper at a second hand store,” Gwen leapt, letting her spider-sense guide her in.  She tackled him before he could place his hands on his loot, pinning him to the ground using her squishy bulk.

                “Orph!” he let out, the wind rushing from his lungs.  Gwen quickly took the opportunity to web the case shut while the thief was dazed, completely taking the theft out of the equation.  “Nice job, kid.  I’m impressed.”

                “Impressed enough to give up?  I’d really like to spare punching a fan in the face.”  Gwen mockingly asked while straddling his chest.

                “Afraid not, kid.  I like you, but I’m a professional.  Plus I’m not into bigger women,” he said, grabbing her plump arm with one of his claws.  Gwen’s spider-sense rattled her head before she felt a large amount of electricity surge through her frame.  Her muscles seized and she fell off Prowler, writhing on the ground a moment.  “You denied me my prize, so I’ll end it here.  No hard feelings, good game.”  He gave a quick, casual salute with two fingers and ran off as Spider-Woman recovered.

                “Ow,” Gwen whispered.

                Gwen groaned in her blanket burrito on the apartment couch.  She had recovered mostly, but stilled ached all over from the shock.  Peter sat with her, head in her lap nursing his own injuries from yesterday.

                “Yeah, Prowler can be a tough catch.  For what it’s worth, I’ve only caught him maybe one tenth of the time.  He’s a pretty non-violent offender, thinks it’s unprofessional to leave bodies.  At least you stopped the theft.  Small victories, right?” Peter offered condolences.

                “I guess so.  Was in a really good mood, too,” Gwen griped.  “I had gotten a job at AccuTech and everything.”

                “You did?  That’s great, cream puff!” Peter smiled, leaning over and kissing her belly through the blanket.  “Perhaps we should celebrate.  Two out of three victories today ain’t bad.”

                “I wouldn’t mind a celebration of some kind.  Hell, in a good enough mood about it that I’d even break my diet and welcome a dinner from your aunt.  Whatever she wanted to make.”

                “You sure?  Aunt May off the rails would put fifty pounds right back on you in one meal,” Peter joked.  Gwen could tell he was excited by the prospect, though.

                “Heh, I know you’re exaggerating, but I think I’m in a good enough mood that I’d welcome that that if it were literal,” Gwen smiled, bending over and kissing him on the nose.  “She can do her worst for one dinner.”

                “Really?  Awesome!” Peter said, excited to the point of forgetting his own aching bones.

                “One dinner, Mr. Parker,” Gwen stressed.  “Then I’m going right back on my diet.”

                “Dinner includes dessert, right?”

                “Sure.  Desserts fine, you raging little pervert,” Gwen said, rolling her eyes.

Next Issue – THE FRIST PLUMPTACULAR TEAM-UP!

Of Ants and Gwen